Jared and I can often feel as though we’re in the midst of a whirlwind. We have plans, projects, and a timeline, yet we’ll find ourselves in some sort of limbo, taking back-steps to go forward, and not knowing what our next move (literal or metaphorical) will be. We have to be patient and wait, knowing that our plans will take a little more time, and a little more strategizing. But we’re ready to live them now, and tired of waiting.
It wears on us–all these projects (literature for Jared, art & design for me) that are developing in our minds–and have been for years–with no form that we can yet see; our future home where we’ll finally get to settle down–at least for a little while; and that ideal lifestyle that we’ve been working towards filled with time together, good food, a nice rhythm, and peace.
We do have parts of these things. And we’ve already come so far. But we’ll still feel this way–trapped in limbo again, unsure of where we’ll be next. Our temporary living situation (a room above my mother-in-law’s garage with a homemade kitchen that doesn’t have running water and a bathroom with a two and a half foot high door and no shower) acts as a thick fog covering everything that we’ve accomplished so far. And my husband’s long work days are a constant reminder of what we’ve wanted to avoid all along. We don’t want much–not much material-wise that is–but sometimes it feels as if we’ve been trekking through knee-deep snow in order to get to it.
When my emotions start to run, and the world around me fills with fog, I have to just stop and be calm. And in doing so I always see (eventually, when the air clears) that we’re actually so much closer to what we hope for than we realize. We have a daughter, and another child on the way, and having a family has been our ultimate goal all along. Everything else is just a way to live how we want within our family, and a way to accomplish the projects that drive us forward.
The path that we’ve chosen is realistic for us. We just need to remember that we already have most of what we want (or at least the works of it), and that we are, in fact, going in the right direction. We have each other, we’ve started our family, we know what we want to create (and how we’re going to do it), and we know how we want to live (and how to accomplish that as well). We just need to make some choices on how to best fill in the meantime, without getting discouraged, and remember to be thankful for what we do have.